4.25.2011

Weekend of Inspiration?

Friday afternoon I got an email from the library that several books I had requested from community libraries had finally come in. When I left the library on Friday evening, I had four books in hand. I already have a stack at home I am trying to work through. So, I made this weekend a weekend of inspiration.

Dean Karnazes is doing his "Run Across America", and he was supposedly coming through my little piece of the world on either Friday or Saturday. I couldn't find details anywhere, so I never got to see Dean run through town. But starting on Friday evening after work, I read "Ultra Marathon Man." I was done by Saturday morning. A fun and quick read. After that book, I started then finished "The Long Run." While I am guessing I would completely balk at the man's politics, I thoroughly enjoyed the inspirational story of Matt Long. Also a great read. Sunday afternoon, my gym offered "Spin and a Movie" and showed "Race Across the Sky." So for an hour and 30 minutes, ten folks and myself spun away on the bikes while watching a documentary about a race that appears to be pure hell. Nice way to spend the afternoon.

Then I got home. A weekend that was supposed to inspire me to go harder than ever ended up doing the opposite. I now feel small, completely insignificant and lonelier than ever. Way to go for inspirational weekend, right?

I've been in Ohio now for almost two years, but it's been really tough to make substantial friendships. We're older and have more responsibility now. We have lots of people we would love to hang out with, yet it seems like schedules never match so we all end up in the perpetual cycle of not seeing each other. In NC, I had a core group of people I could call at the drop of a hat, and we would meet. Of course, we were mostly in grad school and had flexible schedules. That isn't the case now. Some have families, we all have jobs and home responsibilities. It's just tough.

I had to sell the road bike, so I am again bikeless. My budget is slim to none, and I have no idea if I will even be able to find anything decent to ride for the season. Which means the year of busting my ass may completely go to waste. I may be overdramatic about that, but that is exactly what it feels like right now. I haven't signed up for one tri beyond the Minneapolis one, and I won't until I know I could actually even race.

I'm just stuck in pity party mode. The grey weather and rain are not helping. The entire month of April seems to have been this haze of clouds, rain and grey. I could do with some sun.

That's enough pity party for now. Happy Monday.

8 comments:

Christi said...

I am so sorry that you are not having a good day. I understand how hard things can be. I wish we lived in the same state because I would totally hang with ya. Of course, I am much older but I think I am still cool!

I hope your day gets better and remember summer will be here soon and with it brings warm weather and blue skies!

Matthew Smith said...

Well, on the bright side, you hammered through a couple books. I always have a reading goal on my new years resolutions, so good work on the reading. The weather does suck right now, but it can only get better. As for the bike thing, that's a bummer that you're bikeless, but that only leads to shopping! Craigslist has helped me get two sweet bike on a tight budget. Hopefully you can do the same thing. Hang in there. It'll get better.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Did you like Race Across the Sky? I want to see it.

I understand, honestly, my hanging out with friends is training with friends, only way I can get to hang out with people. 50 mile ride equals 3 hours of togetherness, but asking someone to go out and double date for a dinner seems so impossible.

Did you get your size? What is it? I can keep an eye out in case one rolls around.

When you are ready to race, I have a 15% discount code you can use for HFP events

M said...

I just scheduled my fitting for Wednesday evening! That will make me feel a bit better once that is done.

And I totally hear ya on the hanging out thing - I have my few training buddies, but with it turning to spring, some people are showing up and others aren't. Even that dynamic is changing!!!

M said...

Oh, and Ride Across the Sky was really really well done.

Amy said...

You should find me a job. Preferably one with a higher salary and relocation assistance. :) I'd hang out with you.

Ms. Duffy said...

AW! :( It will get better. Sorry I don't have more to offer, but I'm thinking of you...

T said...

I've had this open for several days, waiting for the perfect response (that someone never seems to come). All I can really offer is that I can relate to what you're saying. If I had any better advice, I'd be using it on myself right about now...