10.12.2011

See Saw

The past couple of months could be described as a see-saw.  Same pieces - up, down.  Up, down.  Sometimes I feel darn near bi-polar.  The highs of getting my certification and teaching have been great.  I love teaching my class.  I've got a few regulars in class, and I know their names and they know mine.  I was actually told last night that I have the "best music of any of the instructors."  Yay for me!!  (and folks, not everyone loves Gaga)

Yet, on other fronts things are down more than they're up.  My commission based sales job has been completely unfruitful.  I had some late-early success and nothing since.  I've been looking for a way to really start making an income (including busting my rear at said-sales job), but nothing has really panned out.  To hit 33+ years old and have no career or no sight of one in the near future is a tough pill to swallow.  Thank goodness for my husband's position - he's an amazing professor, and we can live day to day on what he brings home.  But if I said that my current job position was anything but soul-crushing, I would be lying. It's the sacrifice that was made in this relocation - he has the PhD, he had the dream to be a professor.  That one came true for him, so here we are.  And in no way do I lay blame anywhere about my current position.  I am so proud of my husband  - but I long for the days when I felt fulfilled after my 40 hours in the office.

I see my colleagues around me succeeding every day.  I am not.  I have good days and bad days.  I'm a pretty positive person, but it's hard to stay 100% optimistic when you have become so used to failing.  I never thought I would be the person saying that.  Until something else pans out, I'll keep peddling along.  But I work 40 hours a week for $0 - I keep fighting in large part because I really believe that triathlon has taught me to keep going even when you feel like you can't go any longer.  I am doing everything I can and trying to keep a smile on my face at the same time.  Thank goodness for good friends, good beer and wine.  Otherwise, things probably wouldn't be as good as they are now.

5 comments:

Ms. Duffy said...

Hang in there! One of the things I'm still learning (and I'm 36 so I've had 3 more years to do it!!!) is that my job / career does not define me. It's gotta be a rough market out there in Ohio, so finding a good career niche is probably extra hard. Personally, I'm lucky enough to have something that's reasonably well paying and secure, but it's really not fulfilling at all. I LOVE that you've gotten yourself certified, etc... maybe there's a ton more to explore that way? How cool would it be if you were a super spin instructor / personal trainer / yoga instructor / tri coach? There's a whole world of possibilities out there - go get it! And feel better!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

The new Roll Store will in Bexley on Main Street

Matthew Smith said...

I agree with Ms. Duffy! Hang in there!

M said...

You guys rock - thank you so much :-)

Christi said...

Keep up your hard work! I am sure it will pay off in the end.