It is 6pm the day before my last day at the Center for Leadership and Public Values. It has flown. I looked up this morning and it was noon. I looked up 5 minutes ago, and it was two hours later. How does this happen?
Even as much as one prepares themselves, saying goodbye is difficult to do - even when you know the goodbye is necessary. The is not the first time in my life I have had this feeling. I thought I would be cool and calm all day. In fact, when I left the house this morning, I told Mike, "I often have this problem. A momentous occasion presents itself, and it doesn't phase me. I know I should be emotional, but I am not. Then I feel bad for not being emotional and instead become emotional about not being emotional." Although it makes little sense, I have faced that a lot in my life, too. Graduations, big life events, etc - I know it is a big deal, but it feels so common place to me by that time that I don't get too flustered by the events as they actually happen.
Well, I normally think that anyway. Just like today. Then, this afternoon, Ambassador Joseph got up in front of the Sanford Institute staff and said the nicest things. My throat got that big lump in it, and my eyes started to well up with tears. I had to say thanks to everyone, so I pushed it back down and proceeded to thank everyone for six great years of service. But I can already tell that tomorrow will be emotional. My office is cleared of my personal belongings, my bulletin board is empty except for generic Duke information, and my name won't be on the door after tomorrow.
It's hard to leave something and someone(s) you love - even when you know it's time. Although growth, new opportunities and new happiness are waiting, it is hard to say goodbye to so much that you hold dear.
3 comments:
I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but I have a pretty good idea. Just a week and a half ago I started my new job. I left the office that I had been working at for almost five years. I left one of the best bosses that I will probably ever work for. I am happy to be moving on but I was a mess my last week of work. I went to work every morning feeling sick to my stomach. I had convinced myself that I was pregnant; I thought that could be the only reasonable explanation for my physical discomfort. I wasn't pregnant, just pretty upset about leaving a job and friends and colleagues that I had grown to love and respect. I know nothing stays the same forever, and change is inevitable and is often a good thing, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt a little along the way.
Good luck tomorrow. Hold your head up high and remember all the good times. And if you have to shed a few tears it's okay. You have lived and breathed your job for the last six years. That means something and is worth remembering and saying goodbye to.
Sometimes it is hard to keep your eyes looking forward, but I know you can do it! Change is a part of life, and hopefully the new job is a change for the better! Good Luck!!!
I know exactly how you feel. With all the build up towards these "big events" they always end up anti-climatic. Why is that? Is it the hype? The expectation? I really don't know. I just know that many occasions that are supposed to ignite with a BOOM usually result in a Poof! And like you, I get emotional for NOT being incredibly emotional.
But, there times when there are people around you (and you're included among them my good friend) who remind you of the REASONS emotions are significant for these moments and possible. I vaguely remember the simple gesture of presenting a special memento that brought me to tears on the day of a certain recent graduation ;P
Be proud of yourself and all that you've done. You are saying farewell to one aspect of your life, not all of it, and moving on to something different. It takes guts and courage to step into a new direction. Yes, CHANGE sucks, it's hard. BUT, it's from change that we discover our true selves. And we end up better for it!
I'm rooting for you on your path to discovery! Stay strong, and I know you are (you're one of the strongest women I know---you're a survivor!), and the people you meet will realize how wonderful you are!
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