The gall of some people

Today, in my internet perusing, I ran across a blog. A blog that belongs to someone I know rather well. In fact, it belongs to a person who I used to be married to. I had never seen this blog and happened on it rather randomly. I often wonder how he is doing and what he is up to, so I decided to read through it. Seems as if his life is going rather well and is in fact getting married again rather soon. I was honestly and sincerely happy for him. I was glad he found what he was looking for and someone who matched him so well. But then I read further.

I shouldn't have. It was classic "stare at the car accident as you drive by" syndrome. You can't look away. The more I read, the more references I saw to ME. "Cancer". "Leech". "The Blender" ( i don't get it either ). Don't ask me why I kept reading - I know I shouldn't have, but I did. And this was all posted on a public website. It wasn't protected. It wasn't closed off to just his family and friends. Anyone could have read it. And anyone DID.

I was terribly hurt. I mean really, I know I am his ex-wife (second), and in some ways he is required by law to despise me. And I can live with that. I have already made peace with that fact. But to go write nasty quips about me on the internet for anyone to read? Luckily he did not refer to me directly by my name, but those who know him could easily figure out that he was referring to me. I also cannot believe he would post nasty things about anyone on his blog - good lord, we live in the internet world. Everyone can find everything on anyone. Surely he must have known I would see this at some point. And on top of that, some members of his family (who were never that fond of me anyway) chimed in and added their own remarks. Yeah, thanks. I even considered sending you an anonymous card when I heard your cat died. (She knows who she is.)

In all of our post separation dealings, my ex and I were civil to each other. The last time I saw him, it was civil and "nice" for what it was. I cried like a baby that evening (as well as many, many other nights in the year of our separation and even in the years before). I was sad that things didn't work with him, as I know he is a good man. He just wasn't the man for me. It was a death, a loss. I never, in a million years, would go on-line and say hateful things about him. Never. And I was shocked to see he did so about me.

It also made me sad to read that Maggie, the little baby girl that was once the apple of my eye, received little to no mention, and the mentions she did receive were about how ill trained she was. About how all she did was beg for food and act spoiled. Just mentions of her new step-siblings. I'm afraid Maggie may now be the red headed stepchild to her new family. A reminder of the ex's life that WAS.

But, I guess that is what you should expect for having ME raise her, huh? I should have fought for her and kept her when we split up. According to him, she and I are two peas from the same pod. "Selfish leeches" with no regard for others. It took everything in my being to not call or e-mail him and give him a piece of my mind when I read this stuff. I know I did things wrong in my marriage. I know I turned into someone I didn't like. And I am very sorry to have ever hurt him. He never deserved to be hurt like that, and I am sorry that he received pain from me. But I realize now that the decision made was even more needed than I already thought. I never knew him truly at all. I didn't know he had this kind of behavior in him.

And if he happens to stumble on this blog and read this post, I won't regret a word that was said here. I am sure he will see the whole post as a self-indulgent rambling trying to make myself look better than he is. Hell - maybe it is. What do you expect? ha.